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Chapter 6 - The First Time They Called Him DadThe first Saturday Max took the twins to the park, he arrived carrying far too many things.

There was a diaper bag Ruby had helped him pack, two spare jackets, a small first-aid kit, bottles of water, snacks, sunscreen, and enough wipes to clean a small restaurant.

He had also purchased a collapsible wagon after watching three instructional videos about transporting toddlers safely.

Ruby looked at the collection of equipment stacked beside the apartment door.

“Are we taking them to the park or crossing the Sahara?”

Max adjusted the wagon's handle.

“I prefer to be prepared.”

“You have six packets of wipes.”

“Seven.”

“Of course.”

Despite her teasing, Ruby felt a warmth she had not expected.

Max had arrived on time every Wednesday and Saturday for six weeks.

He had never canceled.

He had learned how to change a diaper, how to prepare formula when necessary, how to identify the difference between Eli's tired cry and Liam's frustrated cry, and how to survive a tantrum without treating it as a personal attack.

He had also learned that toddlers were remarkably unimpressed by wealth.

Eli preferred cardboard boxes to expensive toys.

Liam had once rejected a handmade wooden puzzle in favor of a plastic spoon.

Max had spent thirty minutes trying to persuade both children that shoes were not their enemies.

He was learning.

Slowly, imperfectly, but sincerely.

Their first trip to the park had been Ruby's suggestion.

The weather was mild, the boys were feeling well, and she thought a change of scenery might be good for everyone.

She had also decided that if Max was going to become a permanent part of their lives, she needed to see him in ordinary situations.

It was easy to be attentive for an hour inside her apartment.

It was harder to remain patient when a toddler threw his snack on the ground, another toddler attempted to eat a leaf, and a third child somewhere nearby screamed as though the world had ended.

Max discovered this within twelve minutes of arriving.

Eli refused to sit in the wagon.

Liam wanted to hold the same blue plastic whale that Eli was holding.

When Max offered Liam a different toy, Liam threw himself onto the grass and began crying.

Max looked helplessly at Ruby.

“Is this normal?”

“Very.”

“What do I do?”

“Stay calm.”

“I am calm.”

“You look like you're negotiating a merger.”

Max crouched beside Liam.

“All right, little man. I understand you're upset.”

Liam cried louder.

Max glanced at Ruby.

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.

“Don't laugh,” he whispered.

“I'm not.”

“You are absolutely laughing.”

“I am appreciating your parenting style.”

He looked back at Liam.

“Would you like the whale?”

Liam nodded through his tears.

Max handed him the toy.

The crisis ended immediately.

Ruby burst out laughing.

Max looked at her, offended for approximately two seconds before he began laughing, too.

It was the first time they had laughed together without the sound being followed by an uncomfortable silence.

For a moment, they were simply two adults watching their children play.

They sat on a bench beneath a broad maple tree while Eli attempted to climb a low wooden structure.

Liam remained beside Ruby, carefully placing pebbles into a plastic cup.

Max watched the boys.

“Do you remember the first time we talked about having children?”

Ruby's smile faded slightly.

“Yes.”

They had been twenty-four, sitting on the floor of his apartment after a long day. Max had asked whether she wanted children someday.

Ruby had said yes, but only if she could raise them in a home where they never had to wonder whether they were loved.

He had promised her that he would never make them feel unwanted.

At the time, he had meant it.

Remembering that promise now felt almost unbearable.

“I used to imagine teaching them to ride bicycles,” Max said. “Taking them to baseball games. Helping them with their homework.”

Ruby looked at him.

“There's still time.”

He turned toward her.

“Do you really believe that?”

“I believe they have a father who wants to know them. That's a beginning.”

“Is that all I am to you now? A beginning?”

The question escaped before he could stop it.

Ruby looked toward the boys.

“Max, I can't answer that yet.”

He nodded, ashamed of his impatience.

“I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize every time you have a feeling.”

“I don't want to pressure you.”

“Then let me have my own pace.”

He accepted that.

For several minutes, they watched the children.

Then Ruby spoke again.

“I was angry with you for a long time.”

“I know.”

“No, you don't. I was angry when I was pregnant because you weren't there. I was angry when I gave birth because I had imagined you holding my hand. I was angry in the hospital when I watched other fathers carry their babies while I sat alone beside two incubators.”

Max stared at the grass.

“I used to imagine what you would say if you knew. Sometimes I imagined you would come running. Sometimes I imagined you would look at me and say that I had ruined your life.”

“Ruby—”

“Let me finish.”

He fell silent.

“I was angry when the boys came home because I had to learn everything by myself. I was angry when they got sick because there was no one to take turns staying awake. I was angry when I went back to work because I had to pretend I wasn't exhausted during client meetings.”

Her voice cracked.

“And I was angry when I realized that, even after everything, I still loved you.”

Max closed his eyes.

That confession hurt more than any accusation.

Because he understood that love had not protected Ruby from suffering.

It had made the suffering more complicated.

“I loved you, too,” he said.

Ruby looked at him.

“I know.”

“Every day.”

“That's the problem.”

He swallowed.

“Why?”

“Because loving you makes it difficult to remember why I had to leave.”

He had no answer.

Eli suddenly appeared in front of them, holding a small twig.

“Daddy!”

The word was loud and cheerful.

Max froze.

Ruby turned toward their son.

Eli lifted the twig triumphantly.

“Daddy, stick!”

Max stared at him.

The boy had been calling Max by his first name when Ruby mentioned him during visits. Occasionally, he called him the man who brought the blue whale.

Daddy was different.

It was not a question.

It was not an experiment.

It was a declaration.

Max crouched and accepted the twig.

“That's a very good stick, buddy.”

Eli beamed.

Then he ran back toward the playground.

Max remained crouched on the grass.

Ruby watched his shoulders begin to shake.

“Max?”

He pressed the twig between his fingers and laughed through his tears.

“He called me Daddy.”

“Yes.”

“He knows who I am.”

“Yes.”

Max looked up at her.

“I thought I would never hear that.”

Ruby's eyes filled.

She wanted to tell him that she had imagined the moment, too. She had pictured the boys meeting their father, learning his laugh, discovering his kindness.

She had also imagined Max arriving too late.

In the darkest nights, she had wondered whether she could tell her sons that their father had loved them but had never known they existed.

Now he was here.

He was holding a stick his son had given him as though it were the most valuable object in the world.

And Ruby did not know whether to feel relieved or frightened.

“Don't make a big thing of it,” she said softly. “He might not say it again for a while.”

Max wiped his face.

“I don't care if he never says it again. I heard it once.”

She looked away before he could see her crying.

That evening, after the boys had fallen asleep, Max remained in the apartment while Ruby prepared dinner.

He had been invited to stay because the weather had turned cold and the boys were too tired for another outing.

Ruby had made pasta with tomato sauce.

Max offered to help.

She handed him a cutting board and a pile of vegetables.

“You can start with those.”

He looked at the knife.

“You know, I once hired a chef who could prepare a seven-course dinner using ingredients from three continents.”

Ruby raised an eyebrow.

“Can he chop an onion?”

“Probably.”

“Then perhaps he should be here.”

Max laughed and began cutting.

They worked in comfortable silence for several minutes.

Then Ruby asked, “How is the investigation going?”

Max's expression changed.

“Not well.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning the records suggest my father knew about the payment. He may not have approved the exact amount, but he knew the family office was trying to make you disappear from my life.”

Ruby stopped stirring the sauce.

“Your father?”

“I'm still waiting for the full findings.”

“Does your mother know?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“She says she acted to protect me.”

Ruby gave a tired smile.

“Of course she does.”

Max set down the knife.

“I'm going to remove her from the family foundation's decision-making process.”

“Will that fix anything?”

“No.”

“Will it make your life more difficult?”

“Almost certainly.”

Ruby looked at him.

“Why are you doing it?”

He considered the question.

“Because if I allow her to keep controlling the foundation after what happened, I'm telling everyone that what she did was acceptable as long as it was profitable.”

Ruby returned to the stove.

“That sounds like the man I used to know.”

Max watched her.

“Is that a good thing?”

“It's a start.”

After dinner, Max helped bathe the boys.

Liam splashed water across the bathroom floor.

Eli attempted to put a rubber duck on Max's head.

Ruby laughed so hard that she had to sit on the closed toilet lid.

Max emerged from the bathroom with wet sleeves and a duck tucked into his shirt pocket.

“I believe I have been defeated,” he announced.

“By a one-year-old,” Ruby replied.

“Two one-year-olds.”

“Don't blame Liam for Eli's strategy.”

Later, when the boys were asleep, Max stood near the door.

“I should go.”

Ruby nodded.

“Thank you for helping tonight.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He hesitated.

“Ruby, can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“Would you ever consider having dinner with me? Just the two of us. No expectations.”

She looked at him for a long moment.

“I don't know.”

“That's fair.”

“I might say no.”

“I know.”

“And if I say yes, it doesn't mean we're getting back together.”

“I understand.”

Ruby leaned against the kitchen counter.

“There's a restaurant near my office. It's quiet, and the food is good. We could meet there next week.”

Max's heart began beating faster.

“Thursday?”

“Thursday.”

“Seven?”

“Seven.”

He smiled.

She smiled back, just a little.

Then he left.

Ruby locked the door and stood with her hand on the handle.

She had spent months learning how to live without Max.

May you like

Now she was learning something more difficult.

How to let him return without losing herself again.

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