Chapter 4
Ellie was afraid of the machines.
That surprised Claire.
She had expected her daughter to run straight toward Nathan.
Instead Ellie stopped at the ICU doorway and buried her face against Claire’s coat.
“I don’t like Daddy.”
Claire crouched.
“You don’t like Daddy?”
“Not like that.”
Nathan lay beneath white blankets.
A breathing tube remained in place.
Thin wires crossed his chest.
Monitors glowed beside the bed.
For an adult, the equipment meant care.
For a four-year-old, it meant something had happened to her father that she could not understand.
“You don’t have to go closer,” Claire said.
Ellie peeked again.
“Is he hurting?”
“The doctors are helping him.”
“Why doesn’t he wake up?”
“His body is tired.”
Ellie frowned.
Claire realized immediately that she had chosen the wrong word.
Sleeping had become dangerous in Ellie’s mind.
She corrected herself.
“Daddy’s body is healing. The medicine is helping while he gets stronger.”
Ellie stayed near the door.
Claire remembered something Nathan often told her.
When Ellie had been frightened of swimming lessons, he never pushed her into the pool.
You don’t have to be brave all at once, bug.
One toe is still brave.
Claire held out her hand.
“You don’t have to be brave all at once.”
Ellie looked at her.
“Daddy says that.”
“I know.”
“One toe?”
Claire smiled through tears.
“One toe.”
Ellie stepped inside.
Then another step.
Then another.
At the bedside, she stared at Nathan.
“Daddy?”
Nothing.
Ellie climbed onto a chair.
She did not touch his face.
She did not hug him.
Instead she reached for his hand.
Both of her small hands closed around it.
Exactly as they had in the chapel.
“It’s me.”
The monitor changed slightly.
Claire glanced at it.
Ellie leaned closer.
“I found you.”
Nathan’s fingers moved.
Ellie gasped.
Then smiled.
It was the first real smile Claire had seen since the garage.
“You did it!”
Claire laughed softly.
“No, baby. Daddy did that.”
Ellie shook her head with total confidence.
“He knows me.”
“Yes.”
That evening doctors reduced Nathan’s sedation.
His breathing strengthened.
The following morning, the tube was removed.
Nathan opened his eyes at 6:17 a.m.
Claire was asleep in the chair.
A nurse woke her.
“Mrs. Harper.”
Claire jerked upright.
Nathan’s eyes were open.
Confused.
Unfocused.
Alive.
“Nathan?”
His gaze moved slowly toward her.
Claire reached him in two steps.
“Hey.”
He tried to speak.
Nothing came out except a rough breath.
“You don’t have to talk.”
His brow furrowed.
Claire took his hand.
“You’re in the hospital.”
Nathan looked around.
Fear appeared.
“What…”
His voice was almost inaudible.
“You were sick.”
He swallowed painfully.
“Ellie?”
Of all the questions he could have asked, that was the first.
Claire began crying.
“She’s okay.”
Nathan closed his eyes in relief.
“She’s okay.”
Later that afternoon Ellie was allowed back.
Claire warned her that Daddy was awake but weak.
Ellie entered slowly.
Nathan turned his head.
For several seconds neither moved.
Then Ellie whispered:
“Daddy?”
Nathan smiled.
It was barely there.
But it was his smile.
“Hey, bug.”
Ellie ran.
Claire caught her before she could climb onto him.
“Gentle!”
Ellie stopped herself.
Then leaned carefully against the side of the bed.
Nathan lifted an arm with visible effort and placed it around her.
Ellie broke apart.
“You died!”
Nathan’s face changed.
Claire had not yet explained everything.
“What?”
“They put you in the box!”
Nathan looked at Claire.
“The box?”
Claire stroked Ellie’s hair.
“We’ll talk about it later.”
But Ellie continued.
“I climbed in.”
Nathan stared at her.
“You did?”
“They said goodbye.”
Nathan’s eyes moved back to Claire.
A terrible understanding formed.
“How long?”
“Nathan…”
“How long did you think I was dead?”
Claire’s throat tightened.
“Almost two days.”
He stared at the ceiling.
His eyes filled.
“Jesus.”
Ellie took his hand.
“I knew.”
Nathan looked at her.
“You knew what?”
“That you were still there.”
He tried to smile.
“How?”
“Your finger told me.”
Nathan laughed once.
It hurt him, and he winced.
Ellie immediately became serious.
“I held your hand.”
“I heard.”
“Then you held mine.”
Nathan looked at their joined hands.
“I don’t remember.”
Ellie considered this.
“That’s okay. I remember for you.”
Claire turned away because the tenderness of it was almost unbearable.
Later, when Ellie had gone home with Margaret, Nathan noticed something black around Claire’s wrist.
A thin memorial band from the funeral.
He touched it.
“What’s that?”
Claire looked down.
She had forgotten she was wearing it.
“It was from today.”
“Today?”
“Your funeral was this morning.”
Nathan’s hand went still.
He stared at the band.
Then at Claire’s black dress hanging over the back of the chair.
His face lost what little color it had regained.
“You went to my funeral.”
“We all did.”
“Ellie?”
Claire nodded.
Nathan closed his eyes.
A tear slid into his hair.
“She saw me in a coffin.”
“Yes.”
“And she climbed in.”
“Yes.”
Nathan cried silently.
Claire held his hand.
After a long time, he whispered:
“I should’ve been there to protect her.”
Claire leaned closer.
“You were the one who needed protecting.”
“From what?”
Claire looked toward the hospital corridor.
May you like
That question had not been answered yet.
“From everyone who thought they were sure.”
